I’m single. Come at me, boys. No, actually, don’t. Because I’m enjoying the Good Life, the Single Life. Cue Weezer: “When I look in the mirror I can’t believe what I see / Tell me, who’s that funky dude staring back at me“.
Speaking of Weezer, I got an especially interesting message from a potential suitor on OKCupid. Before you ask me why I have an OKCupid profile, let me tell you that it is not because I’m a slut (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but it’s because I started reading so many hilarious and horrific dating stories that I felt like I was missing out. Unfortunately, the Weezer guy was the most interesting of the messages I’ve received, so thus far I have not been very entertained. In any case, this is what he wrote me.
I’m not sure I can craft anything that’s up to your standards, but here’s my try:
I’m a University of Michigan student graduating in May as well, I am a writer as well except in the finer art (screenwriting). I think it’s awesome that you’re writing a novel, and it’s cooler that you can say that you have an agent. I don’t know how you can consistently listen to Weezer, but I respect your appreciation for bad music. I’m good at winning arguments too, so it might be dangerous if we ever got into an argument (nuclear explosion?). Anyways, I hope I crafted sufficiently well for you to respond.
At first glance, he seemed rather normal. Upon a closer look, I realized he insulted both my genre of writing and my favorite band. What the hell?! Is this the classic “negging” technique that assholes use to get laid? I wrote him back, saying I really hoped he was kidding, but in retrospect I shouldn’t have replied at all. He proceeded to IM me constantly over 24 hours, pleading me to give him a second chance. Um, no thanks!
Anyway, this incident with Weezer guy — or should I say anti-Weezer guy (AWG) — taught me something about my dating life. Since I was 17, I’ve been in relationships with guys who appeared cool enough at first and then proved themselves to be unfulfilling in some way or the other. All of them were wonderful to me, which is why I could never say anything bad about them online, but they each had issues I couldn’t deal with. Why I go after dudes who have epic issues is a topic for another day. The difference between AWG and my exes is that I was unwilling to give AWG a second chance whereas my boyfriends were like cats with nine lives.
Why is that? Because having a dude who knows everything about you and still tells you you’re love-able and beautiful every day is nice. Because when the winter months come and it’s cold and everyone is cuddling and going Christmas gift shopping, it’s nice to be coupled up. Because breaking up with that special someone leads to the fear that you will never be loved like that again, that you will end up an old cat lady, that your reproductive organs will shrivel before you get a chance to use them. But you know what’s worse than being single? Being in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill you, for whatever reason. Ending those kinds of relationships has taken such a toll on me in the past few years that I’m wary to start anything new. I have standards and preferences for a potential male partner, and I simply am not doing anyone a favor by lowering those standards and ignoring those preferences. If you cannot conceivably make a living in the next decade, sorry I’m not your gal. If you don’t care about making the world a better place and distinguishing between right and wrong, sorry I’m not your gal. If you let me and my strong personality walk all over you, sorry I’m not your gal.
Anyway, the point of all that is: I’m single and I’m happy with that for now. As I seem to be a bad judge of men, I should keep away from everyone I happen to be attracted to. In the meantime, until I meet someone who convinces me that dating them is worth it, I will be in a happily monogamous relationship with my novel. She is a demanding, moody bitch who currently hates me for neglecting her over the weekend to attend a horse show.
If you’re in a relationship, are you happy with it? If you’re single, do you get lonely sometimes?