I’m Prettier Than My Boyfriend

This week is quite nerve-wracking for me. I’m still waiting on my agent’s feedback on chapters 4-9, and I’m not sure what I’ll do if she doesn’t like it. Re-write the majority of my book? I think I’d rather shoot myself. In addition, I’ll be hearing back about my entry in the Hopwood Contest, a writing contest for University of Michigan students. I entered my first novel which — as many of you know — was rejected by publishers. I’m thinking it might have better luck in the Hopwood, since judges’ taste tends to be more literary than editors’. But I’m going up against graduate students in Michigan’s elite MFA program, so my expectations are pretty low.

So…what am I doing in the meantime? Dutifully studying for next week’s Catalan exam? Hell, no. I have been procrastinating like crazy. Recently, I decided to take a trip back to the motherland (Taiwan) and the fatherland (China) in May. I haven’t been to Taiwan since 2009 and I haven’t visited my dad in China in two summers, so I’m super excited. Though my stay in Paris last summer was awesome, there’s nothing like the energy of Chinese crowds and the taste of Taiwanese delicacies. My Taiwanese relatives are already plotting out which restaurants they’re planning to take me to, even though I’ll only be there a few days. Don’t worry, though. I’m planning to finish up my novel while on vacation and I will keep you guys updated on my escapades with a travel series.

Anyway, what does this have to do with procrastination? Well, I spent about five hours on Monday taking passport photos for my visa application. God, who knew it was so difficult to take correct passport photos? There are tons of guidelines. Your head can’t be too big or too small, your glasses aren’t supposed to glare, the lighting has to be just right. When printed out on 2”x2” photo paper, the head must take up 1” of it. Then, my cheapskate mother (love ya, mom!) informed me that she wanted my head to be 1” when printed out on 4”x6” photo paper because it was less expensive to order 4”x6” prints.

After finally getting a good shot, I started to play around with photoshop. You know how studies show that facial symmetry is one of the best indicators of beauty? I decided to test my face for symmetry. And came up with this:

Asymmetrical Face

What I Learned from Taking My Own Passport Photo

  1. My face is asymmetrical. Or ugly. A matter of word choice.
  2. The right side of my face is skinnier than the left. Undoubtedly because I always sleep on my right side.
  3. My right nose half is larger than my left.
  4. My right eye is slightly larger than the left.
  5. Personally, I think my left side is prettier than the right.

Having learned so much about myself in a matter of hours, I decided to put Phineas’ face to the beauty test too. Voilà the results:

Phineas Asymmetrical FaceUpon viewing the above image, I promptly burst into laughter. Especially because of the one to the right. I know, I’m a terrible girlfriend, but I think the issue has been resolved once and for all. I’m clearly the better-looking half of this couple.

What do you do when you procrastinate? Have you ever put your face to the symmetry test?

Salut,

R

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9 thoughts on “I’m Prettier Than My Boyfriend

  1. I entered a novel to Hopwood that didn’t even have a chance to get rejected by publishers–the agents all shot it down pretty well–so at least you’re doing better than me. 😉 Good luck!

  2. Rebecca…you now have a photo to the passport to my heart. Not so much, Phineas. Your writing can be so funny at times. I enjoy just wading in your words up to my ankles and enjoying the soothing sensation of your verse washing over me. Can not wait to read your book.
    On a side note…what the F%@k happened to your boys the other night. What a great game! I think they both proved what champions they are! I was pulling for the Big Blue Machine, even though I had Louisville to win in my bracket.

    • Your compliments always make me blush. I wish editors were as kind to my writing as you are. 😉
      Yeah…about that game. Let’s just say we’re all still very disappointed about it. Honestly, though (fellow Wolverines please don’t kill me), I thought that the better team won.

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