Interracial Dating

Does love know no color?

First of all, I would like to apologize for my lengthy absence. My life has been hectic to say the least, and now with a few things settled down, I realized I should get back to writing. During this sabbatical of sorts, I managed to complete my first short story in well over a year. Writer’s insecurity, however, currently prevents me from making the necessary revisions to submit it to a contest. I’m thinking of entering the Writer’s Digest, but the deadline is coming up, so I’m not sure if I’ll make it. Any other suggestions?

Tonight, though, I wanted to pose a question that’s frequently popped up in my conversations with friends lately: is it racist to date a particular race exclusively? I remember having a long and heated debate with Phineas towards the beginning of our relationship because he mentioned that before meeting me, he only liked Korean girls. Appalled, I told him he was racist. In return, he pointed out that I was also racist because I generally refused to date Asians and Chinese men in particular.

This, I argued, did not make me racist. If I met a Chinese guy or an Asian dude who knocked my socks off, then I was perfectly willing to give it a go (clearly). I had, however, found that the characteristics I looked for in a significant other were not usually found in Asian men. Phineas then responded that the characteristics he looked for were usually present in Korean women. He preferred them simply because he could connect with them on a different level.

But what if a girl said that she only wanted to date someone who was wealthy because she had grown up wealthy? Wouldn’t we all find something wrong with that statement? On the flip side, what if a guy said that he would never date a rich person because he thought they were pretentious?

In the end, this is the question that remains: how important is it for our significant others to be like us? For me, I believe that there is something in our souls that runs deeper than appearance, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, etc. When two kindred spirits unite, there is a mutual understanding that can transcend all differences. Either you share that connection, or you don’t. If you do, then no number of dissimilarities can separate you. If you don’t, then no number of similarities can bridge the gap between you.

In any case, it’s never a good idea to rule out an entire ethnic group for either friendship nor relationship. Since it is quite impossible to have no preferences, the best anyone can do is to give everyone a chance.

Do you think it’s racist to have a hierarchy of preferred ethnicities? Are you an equal opportunity dater?

ร€ la prochaine,



10 thoughts on “Interracial Dating

  1. I think it’s a question of how open or close you are in term of people you prefer, not really a question of how racist you are.

    Like you said, it’s a matter of what characteristics you look in a person. If you only look for ONE characteristic, then your selection might be little, vice versa.

    I find that the more chance you give yourself with others, the more you would be able to find out about yourself. Something like that ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. It is a tough argument whether to call it racist or not when you prefer to date people of a certain ethnicity, because any “choosing” of ethnicity is like some sort of discrimination. But to get around that I think its all based on having an open mind and the willingness to try something new along with your preferences.

    As much as i’d like to be an equal opportunity dater and everyone in the world to be as well, I don’t think it happens that easily, but it can. I believe attraction is not a choice and you are just naturally drawn to certain people, whether who you are attracted to may stem from your upbringing or personal tastes. But I think if you are willing to give other people the chance and go away from the path (as in try dating someone you wouldn’t normally date), you may just strike gold.


    • You have many good points. Do you think it’s possible for someone to have no preferences at all, though?

      I do agree that you are naturally drawn to certain people, but I’m skeptical when someone claims to be turned off by an entire race.

      Thanks for commenting! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • See that’s a tough question. Attraction is not a choice and you are naturally drawn to certain people, but it is definitely not an independent process in that you may have more control over who you like then you think.

        I don’t think its possible for someone to have no preference because of upbringing. Upbringing causes Asian American sons to go date Asian girls because their family raised them up to believe Asian girls apparently have better money handling skills and are bilingual (and more) so by the time the son is of dating age, it is already deeply embedded in him to go for Asians only even though he may like other girls. Even if the family doesn’t care who their son dates, he may be raised up in a large Caucasian community and I guess he just happened to fall in love with a white girl (love knows no color) or goes for them because all his white friends are dating white girls.

        It is impossible not to have preferences because they have been deeply embedded in you since you were young whether they come from upbringing or from where you live. But I think it just comes down to you to make a choice. Do you go for what you’ve always been told to do? Do you go for what you’ve always been attracted to? I think people should look at everything and decide what’s best for themselves.

        I am an asian american male who prefers white girls over asian girls over black girls. I did that for a while, then I realized one had to be willing to try new things and though my preferences still stay, I am willing to date anyone and give anyone the chance.


  3. Just like the commenter above, I don’t think I’m racist , either… but , I’m naturally drawn to a person with certain characteristics that I prefer. The problem is, these characteristcs are natural only to a certain group of race.

  4. Really interesting read. Thanks for sharing this story.

    Congrats on finishing your story. Have you considered submitting to lit mags? You might want to check out for suggestions.

    To your question “How important is it for our significant others to be like us?” I think it depends on the person and the characteristic. The reality is that yes, parents and family inform our approach to selecting mates, but so do a lot of other influences whether we realize it or not.

    Keep up the great writing!

  5. Pingback: Can A Woman Have It All? « Rebecca Cao

  6. Pingback: Dating As An Asian Woman | Rebecca Cao

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