Tonight, my best friend Jill and I had an hours-long conversation in my trusty little coupe, Sushin. No, his name is not a reference to sushi (racists!) — Sushin is my middle name. I have known Jill for a long time now, since senior year of high school. She’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met, one of the few people whom I truly respect and whose friendship I value greatly. We’ve gone through ups and downs, but she will always be the friend who cracks me up with her one-liners and who accepts me for who I am. If she can put up with me, I’d love to be able to call her a lifelong friend.
Alas, this post is not about how she is “the one” for me. Oh God, not even I can be that cheesy (Phineas might beg to differ). No, this post is related to the car conversation. Jill and I were talking about romantic relationships and males in general. I really wanted to play matchmaker and hook her up with an Indian guy from work, but that’s also besides the point. The point in question is this: is there such a thing as The One?
I was one of those girls. You know, girls who ate up romance novels and dreamed of their knight in shining armor. Girls who painted a mental picture of Falling In Love that bordered on fantasy. Girls who secretly adored romantic comedies. Absolutely not to be confused with girls who hoarded all things shiny and sparkly, mind you. I thought that my first kiss would be electrifying (t’was not). I thought that my first relationship would sweep me off my feet (did not). I thought that when I found the man I wanted to marry I would be absolutely and permanently content (am not).
As someone who is an avid idealist, I have shocked even myself to admit this: I do not believe in The One. I think that humans are not suited for monogamy by nature. In fact, I believe that all marriages have a large aspect of convenience to them. If nobody had kids, the divorce rate would be upwards of 80%. When you look at all the people in this world, how can you believe that only two of them, one male and one female, are meant for each other? If you do believe in that, then what if you miss meeting The One? What if the person you’re currently dating is amazing, but there’s someone — The One — who’s just thismuch better?
In my opinion, that’s the difference between men and women. A woman is always feeling like she “settled” because she has an image in their mind built by popular culture that she must find The One, who is perfect for her and will satisfy her in every way. Of course, reality hits and she ends up with a guy who is good enough, but not The One. And then, years down the road, she meets someone who just might be The One. Aha! Here lies the dilemma: does she leave her husband and children to test the waters with this Maybe The One, or does she return to her “settled” life?
For a man, things are much simpler. He waits and has a few flings here and there (which give him the reputation of a player), but then he meets a girl who he really likes and she’s more than enough for him. Or, in Dean‘s words: “When we get married we marry, like, one girl, ’cause we’re resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think I’d be an idiot if I didn’t marry this girl she’s so great.”
Of course, that’s a rather narrow view of men and there are certainly millions of men who are in unhappy marriages. As to them, I say: they probably married before they knew who or what the heck they wanted in a spouse. In romance, I do believe that women could stand to take a cue from men. Do you love the man? Does the man love you? Can you tolerate his presence for decades? Can he tolerate your presence for decades? Then, gals, make him The One. Doesn’t this make love so much easier, knowing that you can’t actually miss The One? That the man whom you are committed to and who is committed to you is The One?
Do you still believe in The One? If so, do you think you’ve found him?